A Long Winter
by Kodoku-shan
Summary: Speedy cant accept what he learns about himself and tries to throw his life away. Speedy/Aqualad


New pairing for me! Its an old story but I never managed to get it on here XD So to any that kept up with me in the past and came as far as to read my stuff now, this goes out to YOU!

As for the rest of you, well, enjoy!

P.S. I don't own the characters yadda yadda

* * *

Speedy sank steadily, drifting motionless in the icy cold water. There was nothing around him, just the endless blue glow of the ocean. Not even a single fish. For several moments he was fixed there, his face pale, his short orange hair swaying freely and his mouth eerily open. His body seemed lifeless, as did the ocean around him.

Then, suddenly, it didn't all seem so dead.

It happened in an instant as a creature with all the swiftness of a shark swooped in and grabbed Speedy around the waist, whisking him away into the depths of the water in a flurry of black and blue.

Aqualad used all his strength to pull himself and Speedy out of the freezing water and onto the platform of his underwater cave dwelling, both stark white and sopping wet to the bone; not to mention near freezing. Aqualad was visibly shivering.

With an overly panicked attitude, Aqualad took Speedy's face in his hands, slapping his cheeks and turning it this way and that muttering "Wake up… come on, wake up!" to himself over and over again. After receiving no reaction to that, he tried desperately to recesitate him. He linked his fingers and pressed firmly onto his chest a few times. Still unsuccessful he tried to force a breath into his mouth; still nothing. He had no choice than to try the same method again a few more times, gradually losing hope. Finally, after the third time, the boy came to; coughing up sea water miserably.

"Thank god, are you alright?" Aqualad gasped.

After a few seconds Speedy finally stopped coughing uncontrollably and with a raspy voice could only spit out one word before slipping out of consciousness again.

"_Cold_…"

Damn right it was cold; 12 ̊ F to be exact. You see, about a few days before this the heating system in Aqualad's home had broken, for both air and water. He wouldn't have minded if it were just the air that was broken, he could spend days in his heated tank, however getting out for food would've been interesting. Anyway, there hadn't been any heat in about four days and the weather outside was frightfully cold. His only vent up to the surface was half clogged with snow and he didn't want to risk swimming up to the surface because the water was twice as cold as the air at about -8 ̊ F.

This is exactly the reason he had gone out to save Speedy. He knew that it wasn't likely the superhero would've survived in the water that long. He was overwhelmed with relief to find out that he was still alive.

But now _he _was freezing, too; and he could imagine that Speedy wasn't much better off. If they spent any longer soaked to the bone and freezing like this they were bound to catch hypothermia.

With only this in mind Aqualad began peeling off Speedy's cold, wet clothes down to his boxers, immediately wrapped him up in a thermal blanket and laid him down onto the only bed he had: his own.

I don't have to stress how awkward this was for him. Not to mention that he eventually had to do the same to himself then crawl into bed right next to the unconscious Speedy and wrap his arms around him, knowing that the act of sharing body heat directly would help prevent hypothermia.

Just as he was doing this the lump in the bed started to shiver. It was Speedy again, still cold. Aqualad slipped under the covers and curled up right next to him.

"Uhnnnn…" Came a moan from Speedy, just as he was waking up again, "Whut are you doing?" He asked quickly.

"Trying to warm you up." Aqualad said. Speedy was too exhausted and cold to respond and probably passed out again. Aqualad didn't know what to do next, so he just tried to go to sleep.

It was hard though, and, as previously mentioned, awkward. Aqualad wasn't the type to hesitate to do something necessary to survive just because it was weird or uncomfortable, especially when someone else's life was at stake. He is a superhero you know, that just happens to be his job.

_This __**is**__ awkward… _He thought to himself. _But I need to do it, both of our lives are at stake, just hold him, Garth, it's not that big a deal._

Not being able to sleep through both of their shivering (he claimed to be the reason) Aqualad wrapped his arms around Speedy and held him tight.

They both stopped shivering at least.

Aqualad didn't even realize that he got to sleep until he woke up quite a few hours later. He kind of panicked for a moment, temporarily forgetting why the person in the bed with him was a half-naked-orange-haired man until he suddenly remembered bringing him in earlier.

It didn't seem so awkward now for some reason. Aqualad found he was much more comfortable. As a matter of fact, Speedy had turned around while he was asleep and clung to him as well, his face squeezed between Aqualad's and the pillow. He could fell him breathing over his shoulder.

There was something strange about sleeping on something, like a mood or an idea. Whenever Aqualad was particularly angry at someone or something, he would just sleep on it and the next morning he didn't feel so bad, and usually forgave whoever or whatever had made him angry in the first place.

This very phenomenon happened to be taking effect at that very moment. Unlike before there was absolutely nothing strange about his current situation. He wasn't even taking into account that he was doing it to save both of them from hypothermia, it just _felt_ sort of okay; better than okay, pretty _good_ actually.

Aqualad shifted a bit closer, observing how snuggly his jaw fit into the crook of Speedy's neck. He went to sleep again very easily.

He had no idea how many years had gone by while they were laying there sleeping, Aqualad could only recall that that they were the most comfortable of his life. He spent what seemed like decades exploring wondrous and amazing dream worlds he would never end up remembering, and waking up from time to time in the same place, just a little bit warmer and more comfortable.

At one point, having no idea what time it was or how long they'd spent laying there like that, Aqualad woke up and noticed that they had shifted again. He was on his back now, Speedy half draped over him with his face still buried between Aqualad's neck and the bed. He could feel the man's arms around him with his hands under his back, very much like a life-size teddy bear. He liked this new position very much and drifted back to sleep.

A few hours later Aqualad was shaken awake. It was Speedy, he had gotten up, put his now dry clothes back on and with a blanket wrapped around him was sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Cumon, wake up."

Aqualad groaned and clutched at the sheets that were suddenly second-body less. It was strangely cold and uncomfortable without Speedy in there with him.

"Wake up!"

He finally rubbed his eyes and sat up, the motion suddenly making him realize exactly why he was being woken up.

He was _hungry._

DAMNED hungry. That kind of, so desperate hungry it's just about the equivalent of having a giant gaping hole for a stomach. Just as he sat up it made the most horrifying crunching gurgling noise; he clutched his stomach and Speedy nodded. "Yeah, me too."

He sighed. "You know where the kitchen is, right?"

Speedy nodded again.

"Well, go ahead and help yourself, I'll be there in a second…"

Speedy got up and started shuffling his blanket bound body to the kitchen.

When Speedy was gone Aqualad got out of bed and dragged the blanket with him. He was very reluctant to shed it once he went to put his clothes back on but eventually managed. Once he did that he went to grab the blanket again to head off to the kitchen until he noticed the clock next to his bed.

They had been asleep for over twelve hours. No wonder he was so hungry.

He found Speedy in the kitchen stirring a can of chicken noodle soup. He had a lot of that stuff. TONS of soup, he _loved_ soup. Being underwater for most of the day meant being a little cooler than normal so he always liked coming home and having a nice bowl of hot soup.

He grabbed his own can of the same soup and took it to the counter to open it, still wearing the blanket like a cloak. Speedy was doing the same.

"So… How'd you get in the water like that?" Aqualad dared to ask.

"…don't wanna talk about it."

"Oh…"

"But, thanks for… saving my life, though."

"Er, don't mention it."

He was putting his bowl of soup into the microwave just as Speedy was leaving towards the sitting area outside the kitchen. It was a miracle the electricity was still working.

After his soup was all heated up Aqualad made his way to the seating area as well, settling on one of his fluffy chairs.

"Why is it so cold in here?" Speedy started after a moment.

"Heater's broken."

"Oh, well… why don't you go up to the surface, you know, find somewhere else to stay?"

"Don't really have anywhere else to go. Besides, I didn't expect my heater to break. I mean, it's actually pretty nice in here during the winter… when the heater's working of course."

"Mh..."

They ate the rest of their soup in an awkward silence. Garth kept on glancing at Speedy, but the other kept his head down the whole time.

_There had to be a reason he got in that water. If he had just fallen in then he wouldn't have been so secretive about it. What if he… what if he threw himself in? Would he do that? Why would he do that? It's suicide! What could possibly drive him to kill himself? _

Aqualad figured that if he wasn't going to tell him than it shouldn't be any of his business, but there was something that he wanted to do. When it seemed they were finished, Aqualad put his soup down and walked over to Speedy. Speedy looked up at him as the other man sank to eyelevel with him and took the bowl away, putting it on the coffee table nearby. Then he kissed him.

His face drew so close so fast Speedy couldn't even react. Before he knew it Garth had the man's face in his hands and his lips against his.

Garth pulled away. They looked at each other and said nothing. Aqualad thought he would try to walk away but Speedy pulled him back.

"Wait…"

* * *

I didn't want to talk about how I ended up half-frozen in the middle of the ocean, but when I think about it, Aqualad probably deserved to know. He saved my life. I should have told him the second I woke up. I should have apologized and set things straight.

He's in too deep, now. We both are.

He wasn't very warm. Besides the fact that we both came out of that freezing water he's just a slim guy and didn't conduct much body heat. I was desperate, being a smaller person as well, and allowed myself to get really close. Too close. I was out of my mind. I didn't know what I was thinking. Well, I WASN'T thinking to be quite honest.

He was doing the right thing. He never made a mistake. It was me. I always screw things up. I wish I could be more like him. Just paying attention to what's important, just doing his job, so picture perfect… What have I done? I cant believe I did this to him. He doesn't need this, he doesn't deserve it. Why do I always have to screw things up!

Ok. This is what happened. I didn't THROW myself off the edge and into the water. You could say I just … didn't _save_ myself.

There was a car accident on the bridge where I was walking and a white Sudan came barreling towards me when my back was turned. At the last second, I looked. Over the edge was the only way to go if I wanted to live. So I swung myself over, hanging onto the side rail planning to jump back onto the bridge effortlessly, but it didn't quite work. My hand slipped down to the base of the frozen, metal bar, crushing the fingers in my left hand with my own body weight. For a second I held on, dangling over the ice cold water. This is when I stopped thinking. Everything slowed down. My breathing almost stopped, I couldn't hear, my vision froze. It seemed like I had reached that pivotal moment in my life when I was given the decision to keep holding on, or let go.

I let go.

* * *

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Aqualad imagined that he could have either meant kissing him or saving his life.

"Kiss me." Speedy said.

"I…" Aqualad looked down at Speedy who had a firm grasp of his arm. The red haired boy was still wrapped in a blanket while Aqualad had abandoned his, needless to say he was freezing and could only think about how warm they were earlier in bed. "If you tell me why I found you nearly drowned out there, then I'll tell you."

Roy's eyebrows furrowed. He felt like he had been cornered. Still uncharacteristically embarrassed by having "slept" with this man he could not come up with anything to say.

A short moment later Aqualad yanked his arm away and wrapped himself up in the blanket he left on the couch. "I'll be in bed." He said, turning away towards the bedroom.

* * *

I have no idea what he did to me. I mean, I'm a lonely person, but I never thought I could feel that way towards another man. I WANTED to kiss him, that's why I kissed him. Why wasn't he utterly disgusted? Why didn't he push me away the second I got too close, unless he's feeling something similar.

No. You know what, I don't care. This bed is cold. I want him here clinging to me again. I don't care why, I don't care how. I don't need to know the truth. I don't want to explain anything, I just want him here, now.

* * *

Speedy tried to curl up on the couch in a minimal effort of protest against Aqualad. _I can sleep by myself, no problem. _

_God, how ridiculous I must have seemed to him earlier. Clinging, and being so close like it was right or something. If I wasn't so unconscious. If only I was in the right mind, maybe things would be a bit straighter. _

_Ugh, if only __**I **__was a bit straighter._

He knew he was gay. The past fifteen years of his life he figured he just hadn't experimented enough to know for sure, that's why he's so confused, he wasn't any different. It was only just recently that he's accepted the truth. It was partially why he had decided to let himself fall.

All his life he never had someone who wanted him alive, better yet, NEEDED him alive. Being a superhero and saving lives made yourself useful. It suppressed, temporarily, that necessity of being a necessity. But at his age, and with the way he was looking at his life, being a hero wasn't enough. He had to perform to be loved; he had to be "Speedy". But what if that didn't work out? Who was going to save him from the exile of failure? No one was out there who loved Roy. No one thought about Roy. No one needed Roy. So he gave up.

_Then __**he**__ saved me. _

_

* * *

_

Speedy stuck it our for another hour on the couch while a dooming sense of withdrawal crept up on Aqualad. There was no amount of pillows and covers in the shape of a person he could cling to that soothed the now merciless torment of solitude which he once treasured. There was a new void in his life and it was Speedy-shaped.

After that hour passed he decided to act. Jumping out of the bed by impulse he abandoned every blanket and marched swiftly into the room he left Speedy in. He wasn't there. Garth's chest filled with the sinking feeling of worry.

A hunch brought him into the exit chamber they came in from earlier. To his horror, Speedy was there, leaning over the edge of the ice-cold water about to deliberately fall in.

"NO!" He yelled, running up to the man and grabbing him before he fell in. There was a considerable amount of struggle between the two for a moment until Aqualad finally had Speedy pinned on the cold, metal floor.

"Stop it!" Roy shouted. "Stop being the hero, damnit! I don't need you!"

"_I _NEED YOU." Garth shouted even louder, making Roy abandon the struggle and stare at him, bewildered.

"Wh… what?"

"I need you…" He felt the man's breath quicken as he wrapped his hands around the back of Roy's tender neck. "Please stay."

* * *

"Wait, Garth."

"Yeah?"

The two stared at each other like prized possessions. They'd just finished sharing several more kisses right on the metal floor.

"What are we gonna do when winter ends?"

Aqualad tried to think of a normal answer, but the reality was too unsettling. "… We're just gonna have to make it a long one."

* * *

I thought I'd break it up just to keep the suspense up, but I'm not that mean! I hope you liked it! :D


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